8 Questions We Are All Fed Up Of Answering At Indian Weddings
Posted On 14th May, 2014 @ 09:08 am by MTV EDITOR

Forget heels, makeup and jewelry; as long as you’ve got a flashcard on you with the word ‘NO’ printed on it in bold letters, you’ll be able to brave the big fat desi wedding.

Noisy, boisterous and crowded; while we always knew that Indian weddings weren’t for the fainthearted, the amount of times the same relatives can trot out the same questions strikes us anew each time. For future reference, here’s a list of eight questions without which no Indian wedding will ever be complete, and how to handle them:

Beta, pehchana?

Do Respond: Haan bilkul, Aunty.

Do Not Respond: Nope. Nada. Questions like these are what made me give up a career in the police lineup.

1

1

 

Itni badi kab ho gayi beta?

Do Respond: Haha Uncle. Aap bhi na!

Do Not Respond: I’m sorry, did you expect me to remain Smurf-sized forever? My apologies. Biology, thou art a heartless b*tch.

           

2

2

 

XYZ ke bete se mili ho? Abhi abhi London se return aaya hai.

Do Respond: Haan bilkul, Aunty.

Do Not Respond: And there I was, thinking that the fact that I haven’t migrated yet along with the rest of the country’s population to Karan Johar’s doorstep made it obvious that smiling at strangers coyly over a tray laden with snacks isn’t my cup of tea.

3

3

 

Mehendi ka rang kyun aaya/nahi aaya beta?

Do Respond: Haha Aunty.

Do Not Respond: Hold on, while I give our friendly neighborhood wizard Harry Potter a ring to see if they’ve invented color-injecting potions yet.

4

4

 

Ab tum bhi settle ho jao. Ab agli baari tumhari.

Do Respond: Haan bilkul, Aunty. 

Do Not Respond: NO. Just NO. My mehendi-repellent hands might not be good for much, but I’d like to keep them to myself, all the same. Thank you very much.

5

5

 

India mein kya hamesha itni hi garmi hoti hai? ~ Rich NRI uncle/Aunty/XYZ ka London return beta

Do Respond: Sorry Uncle.

Do Not Respond: Given India’s proximity to the North Pole, I can imagine why this came as a surprise. Please, do have a seat and sip some Diet Coke until the shock wears off.

6

6

 

Beta, 12th ke baad engineering nahi ki?! Doctory hi kar leta.

Do Respond: Sorry Uncle.

Do Not Respond: Having grown up on a diet of Rajkumar Hirani movies, I just decided to take a raincheck on all the stress, bullying and ragging; if it’s all the same to you.

7

7

 

Beta, Sharmaji ke chacha ke bete ki padosi ke sagi bua ki ache se khatirdaari toh ki na?

Do Respond: Ya sure, Mom. Gee, I sure am glad I spent all of last night mugging up our entire extended family tree.

Do Not Respond: And let all the precious money we spent on hiring caterers go to waste? Tsk tsk, this is not how you raised me, Mom.

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8

 

(Image Courtesy: india-forums.com, fredgifhunter.tumblr, indianvives.tumblr, trv2auh.blogspot.com, wifflegif.com)

Have some more questions to add to this list? Tell us in the comments below.

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