So I’ll let you in on a little secret…Over the weekend I met a very dear friend who is now dating a gentleman, I used to date a while ago. I kept this particular tidbit of information private since I didn’t want to alarm her with the dope I had on him. Over a cup of coffee, while she was venting about her new found love and its various discrepancies, I had an epiphany – he is everything that is wrong with the dating world. So, in the name of being a Good Samaritan, I am going to list down the kind of men you should steer clear off. In fact if you’re being hounded by a pack of wolves and these guys are the only sources of help available, trying rolling into a ball and say a silent prayer.

5 Men you should always avoid-:

1)      The Textual Offender – This guy is perfect when he has ample amount of time to craft a 160 character message. He is the type of man who will woo you with funny one liners, keep you on the edge with cryptic dialogues, engage you with witty banter but you will probably never know what he sounds like because he does all of this and more – via SMS/Whatsapp/BBM/Unheard of messaging services. What is wrong with this guy, you ask? Firstly, he will almost never live up to his virtual persona and when you sit across a table with him, and he has no buffer “wit” time, he’ll seem like a big bag of gas. There goes your mystery and your appetite. Secondly, he sees wooing you as a conquest and will almost never commit to making substantial plans. If you are the kind of girl who likes a lot of space, then jump with both feet in. Keep your cell phone handy and pray that you have reception.

2)      The One with a teleportation device – This one is a keeper except you will never see him around. He is most likely to fall off the planet when you least expect it. This guy is a rather polished flirt, he is charming and makes several plans to wine and dine with you. What’s wrong with him? He will make all these plans and the only place they will materialize will be in your sweet sweet dreams. He will probably meet you once in three months and will spend the next three months promising you the next rendezvous. Unless you want a quarter-ed relationship, give this guy a miss.

3)      The Material Boy – This man is most likely to have attended a fancy B-school that daddy dearest has paid for. He quantifies everything in terms of money and knows the conversion rate of every currency to the last decimal point. Funnily enough, he will present you with something exquisite but will remind you of its cost, to the last decimal point, at least till the EMI hasn’t been paid off. What’s wrong with him? Not only will he burden you with the status of the stock market, he will also lower your net worth. Talk about a double negative – double depreciation!

4)      The Stuck in School Guy – Okay, so this guy isn’t literally stuck in school, you’d just wish he was never let out of there. Men from this category are so accomplished in acting like teenagers that a little part of your maternal instinct dies every time you are around him. It’s rather cute how they think the world revolves around them and everyone survives to hold a towel for them to wipe their little behinds. Give this guy a miss unless you have a serious case of the mom complex.

5)      The I beat Wikipedia Guy – Men from this category are by far the most amusing and infuriating of the lot. They earnestly believe that have some deep insight about everything under the sun, not only do they have acute inferences to give about Schrodinger’s cat, they will also faff with equal flair about a genetically modified guinea pig in Uganda. Warning - Being around them could lead to self immolation. In fact, not only will they lend their knowledge to your every peep, they will also make it their business to educate you on what to eat, how to dress, travel and subsequently, you will want to spontaneously combust. These guys have a Dad Complex, the kind of dad who went to prison.

Armed with this knowledge, head into the dating world. Steer clear of the aforementioned gems. Try not to find guys who add to this list.

Love and Luck,

UC