When we take the big step and commit our fragile hearts to another’s, we invariably shower them with more expectations than affection. We need to be the center of the world, we need; we constantly need. We are constantly in the pursuit of people who can keep up and we can constantly in the pursuit of pleasing the people who find us. Sounds exhausting, doesn’t it? Well, that’s how we love!

Dear Urban Cupid,

I am a 26 year old guy and my girlfriend is 22 years old. I think she is brilliant and I love being with her. However, I am at such a point in my life where I can’t afford to devote all my time and attention to one person. The reasons are several, I have a demanding job, I am at a senior position and I have a lot of friends I love spending time with. I also have a best friend, who just happens to be a girl and I like spending time with her too; she has been my best friend for over five years now. I am satisfied with spending two or three evenings in a week with my girlfriend but she is quite unhappy. She constantly complains and feels insecure. She also says that I don’t devote enough attention to her. I don’t know how to convince her. Please help.

Regards,

Sameep

Dear Sameep,

It’s great that you are in such a comfortable place in your life; you have your friends and work life sorted and there’s no explicit want for anything else. You are also being quite selfish, I must say. In your entire problem, I have only read your perspective of the situation; I haven’t once seen you make an attempt to understand where your girlfriend is coming from. It’s alright to want your space and assign specific amounts of time for togetherness but with you, it seems like an obligatory effort. Your girlfriend has expectations from you and rightly so, you aren’t helping with her by burdening her with your space issues. Instead of dividing your life between friends and your girlfriend, why don’t you try introducing her to your friends and thereby, making her feel like she’s a part of your world as much as she’s trying to make you a part of hers. Manage your time more effectively and devote some amount of your time just for her. Make her feel special and if all of this seems like too much to do, then let her go because everyone deserves to be with someone who wants to shower attention, unconditionally. With respect to your best friend, clear the air by making the two of them meet over a meal or coffee and let your girlfriend see for herself that there is nothing more than friendship there. Relationships are hard work, if you are willing to put in the time, they can be immensely rewarding. You might be surprised.

Love,

UC

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