In today’s day and age, when inhibitions are so passé and relationships are so complicated, physical intimacy ranks amongst the top five reasons why people stick together. Let’s say you are happy with everything in your relationship but there is one little snag. What happens when can’t tell yourself that it doesn’t bother you anymore? What if that snag keeps tugging at your peace of mind and cuts you up every time you confront it? What if even a mention of that snag can open Pandora’s Box?

Dear Urban Cupid,

I am 26 year old girl. I am a fiercely independent and outspoken woman of today, or so I’d like to believe. I have been dating my boyfriend for the past five months; he makes me quite happy and takes care of all my needs. Intellectually, I think I cannot find someone who I am so superbly compatible with. However, I have or more like, we have a problem; when it comes to physical intimacy there is more fizzle than sizzle. It’s not like he isn’t physically gifted, everything is right with him but somehow when we make love, there are no sparks and sometimes it gets so silent, I start thinking about my chores for the next day. I don’t know how to deal with this. I think the physical aspect of a relationship is as important, if not more, as the emotional one. How do I tell him that he is bad in bed? Please help!

Love,

Sona

Dear Sona,

Looks like you’ve found yourself a wonderful man to talk to, if nothing else. I understand the gravity of your situation, essentially because “you’re bad in bed” is probably the last thing you want tell you want to tell your man. It not only bruises his ego but shatters it. What are men, if not intensely physical? While I believe that an emotional connect far supersedes a physical one, I also believe that sex can be a deal breaker. If you need to get through to him, you will need to try and angle and work at it. Make the act of making love a conquest and explain to him what you’d want him to do. Drop little hints during the lead up to the act and I’m sure he’ll get flustered enough to try all the suggestions you feed him. If little suggestions like these don’t work, have a neutral conversation with him about what you want and where you think the problem lies. Just be careful not to point fingers at what you think are his shortcoming or you’ll have one man down and running for the door.

Love,

Urban Cupid.

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