Sometimes the universe throws us curve balls; we are showered with so much love and affection that we forget those who held our hair back when we were down. We are gifted with families but for the most part, our friends are the people we depend on most. We make our families as we grow in life, sometimes, as with our siblings, we fight, we disagree, we hate but when push comes to shove, we always love. No questions asked. Therein, lies the beauty of friendship. Unfortunately, when we become a part of a couple, we forget the friendships we forged and the times we shared and one day when the rose tinted glasses come off and the gloss wears off, we realize the full impact of our decisions. One of my readers who faces a similar problem wrote in to me and I will try to resolve her issues.

Dear Urban Cupid,

I have been with my boyfriend for three years but my problem is that I don’t have any friends. I used to have a lot of extremely close friends who used to be my confidantes and soul sisters but when I started dating my boyfriend, I started ignoring them and cancelling plans and as it turns out somewhere along the way, the friendship just ended. Now, whenever my boyfriend and I fight I realize that I have no one else to talk to. We always go out with his friends and he is very close to them. They are a big part of his life and he takes off whenever he wants some guy time, seeing this I feel lonely and regret my past actions. I don’t know what to do; I don’t want to feel alone anymore.

Yours truly,

Riddhima

Dear Riddhima,

The issue you have brought up is actually quite common, when we start dating someone our affection for them and our need to impress them overwhelms us to such an extent that we are blinded to everything that exists in our realm of being. This happens more often with women because we make our object of affection our be all and end all, we are emotional and therefore want to invest all our attention in one person. We tend to adopt our boyfriend’s friends and family as our own, neglecting our own and when times get rough, we can help but wonder what we missed out on. Well, what’s done is done, the only thing you can do to salvage the situation is to make amends with your friends. Take baby steps, a text message, an email or a phone call can be the start of a renewed friendship. Don’t expect them to come running back into your arms, it will take consistent effort from your end and eventually, they will yield. The one piece of advice I must give you is that your friends are your soul mates, the only ones who will love you unconditionally despite knowing all your flaws and wouldn’t have you any other way, so, don’t let them go easy.

Love,

UC

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