When we decide to take the plunge with that special someone, trust is a basic prerequisite or so we are led to believe. The lack of trust leads to burned bridges and messed up relationships, alternatively, an unyielding sense of trust can leave you blindsided and naïve. While trust is a virtue, too much of something is never good thing. If you are wondering why I am being so cynical, it’s because I am being wary after reading a reader’s dilemma. After all, having your heart broken or worse, your trust shattered can cause more damage than a tear in your eye or a lump in your throat.

Dear Urban Cupid,

I am a 28 year old guy and I am working as a system engineer in Cuttack. I am doing extremely well in my professional life but my personal life is down in the dumps. I have been in a relationship for the past four and a half years. I love my girlfriend deeply and have always maintained that she is the one I want to marry. Recently, she confessed that she cheated on me when I was out of town, on work, for a week. She said it only happened once and that too because she was lonely. She has dated the other guy before for a brief period. She says it is over now and has apologized profusely. I still love her but I don’t know if I can trust her again. What should I do?

Yours sincerely,

Ankit

Dear Ankit,

Like I mentioned earlier, trust once violated takes a gargantuan effort to rebuild. There is no denying the fact that your girlfriend has made a serious error in judgment. To top it off, making a lame excuse such as “I was lonely” does nothing for the existing trust issues within your relationship. Also, a week isn’t a time frame wherein a person can experience such a massive amount of loneliness that they feel the need to stray. Since she has dated this other guy before, you need to ask whether there is still something there. While I understand that love is an emotion that can be turned on and off, trust definitely is as volatile as that. You need to make a decision about whether or not you can live with her indiscretion. There is no point in continuing in a relationship where you will continually doubt every move of hers; like the saying goes – once bitten, twice shy! However, if you still feel like you can forgive her and put this incident behind you, have a conversation with her about your future and set down some ground rules. It might take some time to rebuild your relationship and for things to go back to normal. Moving on or letting go is the call you have to make, as difficult as it may seem.

Love,

UC

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