In relationships, pace is of supreme importance. Often, problems arise when people involved in a monogamous relationship have different notions of what comprises a successful relationship. Some might think that physical intimacy is the relationship clincher and others, late night pillow conversations. Man has, for the longest time, tried to decipher the code for a perfect, glitch free relationship and has failed on several accounts. We need to accept the fact that no two people are the same despite the obvious similarities and shared affection. Acceptance leads to understanding and understanding breeds positive interaction leading to companionship. A reader faces a similar discord in her relationship and I will try and resolve her issue.

Dear Urban Cupid,

I'm in a relationship with this guy for the past 2 months. We don’t have any problems between us except this one; my boyfriend is that type of guy who is interested in a physical relationship. He really loves me and I love him too. I just don't like him talking about personal things with which I am not comfortable. I told him that I’m not comfortable so that he would stop talking about things related to sex but he said that he is like that only and he will never change. I don't want to break up with him only because of this. Please help me what should do?

Yours truly,

Simran

Dear Simran,

The society in which we are brought up often condones pre-marital sex. The issue of pre-marital sex is actually of little significance in your situation, while the act itself isn’t wrong, the fact remains that you are extremely uncomfortable with physical intimacy. The discomfort that you have is apparent to your boyfriend and you have mentioned that you have expressed these feelings to him. In relationships, sometimes, we try too hard to please the other person and our principles don’t seem extremely important at the time. Simran, if you do not wish to have sex or talk about it with your boyfriend, you should tell him that in those many words and ask him to decide if that is a deal breaker for him. If he thinks your relationship cannot withstand the lack of physicality, it is better that you know now rather than a year later, when you are emotionally dependant on each other. I don’t want to be harsh but it has just been two months since you started dating so letting go of this relationship shouldn’t be too difficult. However, if you want to give this another shot, you should speak to your boyfriend, frankly and tell him to make a choice. If he does love you, I’m sure he will understand and make amends; if he doesn’t then you have your answer.

Yours truly,

Urban Cupid

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