5 Most Famous Last Words
October 10, 2013 @ 12:46 pm
How many times do we do something incredibly stupid and swear to the gods up above that we'll never repeat it ever again? Now, think of the number of times we actually refrain from said idiocy? Drawing a blank? Well, we don't blame you.
Every time we embarrass ourselves by doing unspeakable acts, we make resolutions by the dozen and then promptly forget about them. Anyway, what's life without embarrassment? Here's toasting to our utterly yeilding and flimsy resolve and famous last words!
1. I'M NEVER DRINKING AGAIN
If we had a rupee for everytime someone swore they wouldn't binge drink again, we'd be living in Antilla. Why do people keep making this promise, you ask? How else are they going to rationalize the table top dancing/boss hating/drunk texting/random hook ups. The next time you hear someone utter this infamous phrase, do them a favour and smack them while calling them a liar.
2. I'M NEVER GETTING BACK WITH HIM/HER EVER AGAIN
Cue dramatic rolling of the eyes and audible sighs. No, do not entertain this phrase or use it as an excuse to bitch about that person's significant other because believe us when we tell you they will, despite numerous logical reasons, get back with said douchebag and you'll end up being the bitchy friend. So steer clear of this territory altogether. If you are the person uttering said phrase, *facepalm*.
We're considering changing this article to famous last lies. That's all this is, A LIE! Nobody believes you when you say you aren't going to go shopping, not us, not your friends not even the guy who sold you your credit card, why do you think he called you in the first place! He probably knows you better than yourself. Look at those shopping bags shaming you while you read this.
4. I'M NEVER BINGE EATING AGAIN
What blasphemous lies we do say when we stuff our face with obscene amounts of food. This excuse is usually triggered by excess, inexplicable consumption of foods such as icecream, chocolate and other sugary paraphernalia. You know why this is such a lame, transparent lie? Noone can resist a great glaze!
5. I'M GOING TO START WORKING OUT IMMEDIATELY
So you decided to drink like a fish, eat like a glutton and fuse yourself to the couch for a better part of the year and have now made the steely resolve to work out? Sorry to burst your bubble mate but it ain't going to happen! Also, that money you invested in that cool new gym that promises a six pack in six weeks - WASTED!
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