October 10, 2012 @ 00:00 am
So I am going to share with you a fact of life that can change the way you date - No man is inept at making time for something he really wants.
Now that I have made that exceedingly impressive statement, I shall go on to tell you why it is true. The thing about men is that they are single core devices armed with severely potent blinders, if they set their mind to doing something they go after it, no holes barred. No pun intended. They aren’t fantastically abled when it comes to multitasking so if they interested, they will spare no effort in letting you know they are. However, what men are really good at is making highly creative excuses. Therefore, for your benefit, I will list down five most used excuses which translate to “I am not interested, I wish you would disappear into the woods”.
1) I really like you but I am super busy at work – Unless he is an undercover national intelligence agent about to bust the country’s largest drug cartel, this is by far the lamest yet most used excuse. If a guy uses this line with you, it is safe to say that he is just not interested but doesn’t have the courage to say so himself, he’ll just wait around till you run out of patience or he’s looking for a booty call whenever he gets “free”.
2) I really like you but I need my space right now – When you hear this line come out of a man’s mouth, run like the wind in the opposite direction. Firstly because he is a spineless disillusioned git with visions of overt grandeur and secondly, what is space? I mean unless you are attached at the hip and converse via all the telecommunication media available there is no reason why this rubbish must be spewed. He’s looking for a fling or you might just be dating a teenager who’s seen way too many George Clooney flicks. Either way, it’s just going to go south.
3) I really like you but I don’t think I am right for you/ you deserve someone better – This bullsh#t excuse is actually quite flattering when you hear it at first, you instantly feel the need to rationalize and make him feel like a star. Except, the novelty wears off when you realize what a self involved, commitment phobic retard the guy really is. What guys mean when they use this line is – Hey, this was fun. Maybe we could do this again (I will continue to use this excuse the next time too). I was looking a quick fix. I am now going to run back to mommy. Men who use this line are boys. Mostly, prepubescent and have secretly read their sisters’ Nicholas Sparks books.
4) I really like you but I am not in the market for a relationship – This is when you make your best dafuq face and fulfill your lifelong chic dream to throw a drink in someone’s face. Men who use this line are not only incredibly clichéd (major minus points) but they claim to have “commitment phobia” – the convenience card played quite frequently much to the disdain of confused, fairy tale reading women around the world. The worst part about this excuse is that it is used in conjunction with their existing god complex. Avoid. Major uggh fest. I have liberally used the word ugggh since nothing describes this phenomenon better.
5) I really like you but I can’t get into anything because I have had a string of bad relationships – This is the most unconvincing excuse of the lot! Why is it unconvincing? Well because men have the attention span of a fly and the memory of a doormat. If they have ended a relationship, fat luck in getting them to pine about the “one that got away”. Once they are out of a relationship, they are actively looking for the next pretty thing to pass their way. The good thing about this excuse is at least the guy isn’t a complete douchebag albeit being daft and unimaginative.
Now that you are armed with this knowledge, use this power to avert regular Joes and Jerks. Good luck to you.