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How to live a successful life as a lunatic ex-girlfriend

Posted January 30, 2013 @ 14:58 pm
by Suroshree Dasgupta

The other day while sounding out the words of a website called howigotdumped.com (this was during my post break up phase, stop judging me), it was ironic that I came across an article which talked about, how there aren’t enough women writing comedy pieces.

How to live a successful life as a lunatic ex-girlfriend
Sure my ex may have met someone new, courted, married, been on a honeymoon, moved into a new house and is even visibly happy. But it’s always fun to remind him that with me around, things may never be safe.

So, I put down the giant chocolate bar, wiped my tears and thought to myself, “Yes, this is what I will do”. I will write comedy. I will make others laugh. This will be my true calling.

So, I switched on my pink laptop, opened an empty word document and told myself “Let’s do this sh*t”! As I waited for an inspiration to kick start my first ever humor article, the song on my ipod changed from a rather upbeat Motown song called “My Girl” to Adele’s sorrow filled “Someone like you”. It is then, that it struck me that as long as I continued to listen to Adele, no matter how heart wrenching, soul stirring her songs may be, I will never be able to think happy, write happy or even be happy. Not only did that girl unabashedly encourage my morose behavior post break-up but her songs also gave me some solid fool proof  ideas for writing my first novel on ‘How to live a successful life as a lunatic ex-girlfriend’ (I think that title is a winner)

Take for instance the song that’s playing on my ipod right now ‘Someone like you’.

"I hate to turn up out of the blue uninvited,
But I couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it,"

It’s the perfect plan. There is nothing better than landing up at my ex’s house uninvited. Imagine the shock on his new girlfriend’s face. I already know where he lives. Now, all I have to do is to practice my sad-eyes and look like a mad weirdo. Yeah, that’s definitely going to scare her away. There’s no way she’d want to be with a man, who once went out with a freak like me who refuses to give up even after a spate of midnight calls were left ignored.

"I had hoped you'd see my face,
And that you'd be reminded that for me it isn't over,"

Sure my ex may have met someone new, courted, married, been on a honeymoon, moved into a new house and is even visibly happy. But it’s always fun to remind him that with me around, things may never be safe. I’ve been practicing my haunted-face look for a while now, where else do you think I am going to use it.

"Don't forget me, I beg,"

This one is the best. So, basically what Adele is telling me is that I must lose all my self-respect and do all that I can to make sure my ex never forgets me. I have already tried everything I possibly could and now I must beg.

"You know how the time flies,
Only yesterday was the time of our lives,"

My ex may as well be married today but we were together only till yesterday. It doesn’t take much long to be reminded of that. At least that’s what I learnt from all that incessant calling, texting, emailing and often gate crashing.

"Who would have known how bittersweet this would taste?"

Hopefully all my efforts in proving to be a lunatic ex-girlfriend left a good taste in your mouth. The last time I checked, it tasted pretty good to me.

Well, would you look at that? I’ve totally run out of time, and now instead of writing a comedy piece, I now feel completely inspired to stalk my ex-boyfriend on Facebook. It’s the one thing I haven’t tried yet. I need some dope on him you know. Otherwise how else am I supposed to ‘lay his sh*t bare’ like Adele sang in Rolling in the deep.

 

photo credit: www.carreck.com

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Tags: Adele , celebrities , Exclusive , fun , hot , humour , lol , love , new , omg , relationships , Rolling in the deep , singers , Someone like you , wow , like , urban cupid , Advice , opinion , Sarcasm

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