I'm a guy whose idea of adventure is sleeping with the lights switched off, liking a girl’s pic on Facebook or physically changing the channel on the TV instead of using remote control. I also enjoy the idea of getting hit in the nuts during a task just as much as I enjoy coming to work on Monday mornings (or any morning for that matter), taking a cold bath in winters, or being called 'uncle’ by beggar kids (I DON'T). 

 

And yet, in spite of being completely normal (certified by Palak), completely intelligent (certified by Devarshi) and completely awesome (certified by Poulomi), I really, badly NEED to be a 'Roadies’. The need may stem from any or all of the following original reasons:

 

1. I was born to be 'a Roadies’. In fact, my mother gave birth to me because she knew I will be 'a Roadies’ one day.

2. Mujhe zindagi mein kuch karna hai isliye main Roadies banoonga. 

3. Main Roadies jeet sakta hoon! Mujhe pata hai yeh. Mujhe andar se pata hai. Inside se. Kyunki main kar sakta hoon. Main sachchi main kar sakta hoon. By God.

4. I’ve always been good at adventure sports. I can play cricket very well. I can with bat also, and I can play with balls also. I can play with all kinds of balls, and I can play with balls the best. 

5. Actually, I’m very good in the planning and the plotting. All my friends tell me that. Actually, I don’t have any friends only because I planned and plotted against them. 

6. Mujhe Bani achchi lagti hai.

7. Rannvijay is also hot.

8. Mujhe Raghu ke ganje sir par chamaat marni hai. I want to f**k Raghu. I want to sc**w him. I want to make an omlette out of his bald head and eat him for dinner. Kyunki main kar sakta hoon. Mujhe andar se pata hai.

9. But I also want to get sc**wed by Raghu sir, just once. Only once. I want him to give me gaalis on my face. I want to feel inside-inside how it is to get f**ked by him on TV.  

10. I can do very good reality on my own. I can sing, dance, act, look good, bitch, slap, pull hair, scratch, put finger in nose, everything on TV. Just like my role model Palak. I want to be 'a Roadies’ just like her.  

 

Being 'a Roadies’ to me is like having sex. I just want to do it once in my life so I can die in peace and my soul doesn’t wander aimlessly after death, haunting ex-Roadies and Raghu. It’s also like marrying Rakhi Sawant, going to a disco and dancing to Bappi Lahiri songs, going to be after 11.30 pm and shaking hands with a girl… I know I’ll be AWESOME at it, if ever I get permission to do it from my mother.

 

Most importantly, being 'a Roadies’ is important to me because I worship Raghu sir. He and I have a connection since my past life. He’s like the father that I never had. A father who hates his children and wants to scare them to death, but a father nevertheless. I love Raghu sir and I want to prove myself in his eyes. I want to go up to him just once, just once and touch his bald head. But more than anything else, I want to first be able to figure out who the !#$%$# is Raghu and who the @#$!@# is Rajiv. Isliya main 'a Roadies’ banoonga. Main ban ke rahoonga.

 

Catch Roadies Season 8 from January 22, every Saturday and Sunday at 7 pm only on MTV India.

 

 

Tags: MTV Roadies

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