Yes, I have learnt to bury my fear of women under layers and layers of bad jokes that are aimed at establishing a comfort level (the exercise is now known as ‘massive disaster'). But underneath the façade, I'm still a boy, standing in front of a girl, asking her to laugh at his jokes. And while at it, try for them not to get offended by the jokes. Or offended by ME, in general.

 

I swear I don't TRY to piss women off, but ever since I can remember, I've been really good at it. I think it all started when I learnt how to speak. I didn't know what I was saying at that time, and now, even with two decades of experience, I still don't know what I'm saying most of the time. But somehow, it's usually offensive.

 

What not to say to women

I remember a particularly horrific incident that happened at the age boys and girls were all realizing that specific parts of their bodies had the capability to grow. There was this game we all played at that time, where you point down, and ask the person to look, and then, when the person looks down in the direction of your finger, you use your finger to hit the person in the nose, so that it hits their nose, and their face goes up in a jerk. I don't know if I have described the game well, but all you have to be concerned about is that the game involved pointing a finger somewhere.

 

In the game, most people would say, ‘Arre, what's that on your feet?' or ‘What's that on the ground'? (And then, the person would look, so you'd hit them on your nose and laugh and say, ‘Haha! There's nothing there! Fooled you!'). I, as is usually the case, came up with something creative (read: STUPID). 

 

So I went up to an unsuspecting, just-hit-puberty girl, pointed to that specific area on her shirt where I SHOULDN'T have pointed and went, “Arre, what's that on your body?” Just as the girl looked down, trying very hard to overcome her embarrassment of a guy pointing at the area that shouldn't be pointed at in public, I did the whole hitting her on the nose routine, and then laughed, “Haha! There's nothing there! There's nothing there!!” 

 

You can imagine what kind of psychological damage I did to that girl that day by pointing at that area which is supposed to grow and laughing obscenely that “THERE'S NOTHING THERE”. Especially since the girl, at that time, was a little behind in development in that area at that time. (Though, I have to say – to her credit, that girl proved me wrong in the years to come. There was definitely something there.) That girl never spoke to me in her life again. As have millions of girls since then. 

 

Hugging disasters

It was maybe that particular incident, or the cumulative bad wishes of girls throughout, but I became socially awkward with women by the time I reached the age when I should have been… you know… social at night and awkward next morning with them. Not only did I become afraid of talking to women face-to-face, I became afraid of being seen with them in public too. And most importantly, I became afraid of hugs. Yes, you read that right: I don't know how to hug women.

 

My hugging disasters are stories (yes, multiple ones) for another day. Now that I've grown up, and had my share of ups and downs (okay, I just realized this sounds like a VERY double meaning sentence, but trust me, that's not the intention), I've figured that maybe it's my fear of women that makes my conversations (or the lack of them) with them interesting. I'm, obviously, ready to be proved all wrong. Again.

 

 

Click here for earlier funny articles: MTV News Feed

Follow MTV on twitter: @mtvindia

Follow the writer on Twitter: @nikhiltaneja86

 

Tags: STAYRAW, Relationships, Women, Fear, Humour

. 2713 Views      . 0 Comments