October 25, 2012 @ 00:00 am
'Hundreds of thousands of endless possibilities' is what the App Store proudly proclaims. Too bad Steve Jobs forgot to add a ticker to warn you that a hundred of these thousand possibilities are absolute crap.
And being the good Samaritans that we are, we narrowed down on five of the craziest apps that you shouldn’t let within a five mile radius of your prized iPhone!
Disclaimer: If you are reading this post on an iPhone, we advise you to continue at your own risk. The sheer ridiculousness of the apps listed below may cause your iPhone to throw itself off the balcony of a 30 storey building in shame and commit a gory suicide - the author shall not be held responsible for the same.
Mention the word ‘iPhone’ and everyone from the grumpy 70 year old uncle next door to the rickshaw wallah turns into a tech expert, bursting with knowledge about the must have apps. The way they look at it, the App Store is the best thing to be created in the world after sliced bread. However, recent experience has taught us that for every amazing app the App Store spews; there are about ten ridiculous ones. From Big Ass Fans (which has nothing to do with big asses and everything to do with boring white ceiling fans) to First Sex Making Tips (Tip #1: the term ‘sex making’ got outdated centuries ago), we list down five of the most bizarre iPhone apps:
Honey It’s Me
Why spend those lonely nights finding solace in Enrique songs? Now just find comfort in the arms of the App Store. Indeed, a group of Korean developers have come up with this wonderful new app called Honey It’s Me which provides lonesome cell phone owners regular messages from a digital girlfriend named Mina. Once downloaded, Mina will bombard you four times a day with asinine messages like, “Time for breakfast," “Are you still sleeping?” and "Good night, sweet dreams." Ha! Our moms do that already and unlike Mina, they don’t charge us $1.99 for all the hard work!
Just when you think mankind has evolved, some app developer decides that fart sounds make for a great app idea and drags us all back by two steps. Yes, the App Store actually provides an app called iFart, which does exactly what the title says and is guaranteed to amuse you for all of two days. Of course, if you’re really into toilet humour, feel free to browse through their extensive library of fart sounds at leisure. We can only offer our heartfelt sympathies to those who happen to be seated next to you!
Nah, some genius app developer hasn’t answered our prayers and come up with an app to prevent us from drunken texting. On the contrary, iDrunkTxt exists to ensure that your let your ex know exactly how crappy you’re feeling without him/her, the next time you’re high. This app helps you skip all that sloppy fumbling and simply texts any random contact from your mobile logs the next time you’re sloshed. The makers of this app sweetly threw in three different categories: select from between lists containing your dates, your friends or just allow the app to select any random contact from all your logs, depending on how badly you want to be embarrassed.
All that beer talk make you thirsty? Well then, we are pleased to inform you that a couple of savvy developers have actually created an app that lets you drink for free. Just download iBeer and watch as your iPhone screen fill up like a pint glass filled with the sweet amber nectar of a thirst-quenching beer. You’ll be even more amazed when you tilt the gadget towards your mouth and it looks like you are drinking the beer! Just the app we’ve been waiting for; we mean who wouldn’t want to drink a beer minus the saccharine taste, the intoxication and the high it gives?
Wandering about alone after midnight is no good, as Vasant Dhoble will gladly inform you. Well, what’s the point of shelling the big bucks on a phone if it does not bail you out in times of need? With Alarm Free, you can now march down dark alleys and take on mean-looking thugs with confidence. All you have to do is unlock the screen, launch this app and a faint beeping sound will notify all policemen in earshot to come rushing to your rescue.
Best case scenario: After eighty repeated attempts, a policeman finally trudges up and after ‘reaching an understanding’ with the thug, they both part ways and you walk home in one piece. Worst case scenario: The repeated beeping inspires the thug to not only make do with your wallet, but to pocket your iPhone too. In which case, you again walk home in one piece, albeit minus a phone worth 50 grand.